Failure is a fact of life. One of our first experiences of failure was when we were learning how to walk. How many times did you land flat on your face? Yet, you never gave up. You just got back up and tried again.

However, somewhere along our path in life, we became afraid to fail. Failure became a stigma that we sought (and maybe even now seek) to avoid.

In this article, I want to take you through the different aspects of failure and how you can it as a means of personal growth.

Different perspectives of failure

We will meet with some form of defeat in all aspects of our lives. Depending on what area we have failed dictates how we perceive the setback and subsequently deal with it.

The personal perspective

As I have mentioned, failure is an integral part of our personal lives. How you cope with it determines whether you will chuck in the towel or use it as a stepping stone for personal growth.

JK Rowling was a single mother who was on welfare. She tried to get her manuscript for Harry Potter published but met with constant rejection from publishing companies. Finally, she found one that was willing to take a chance on her. Then, as they say, “the rest is history.”

A professional angle

In the professional world, failure can lead to either a financial loss or damage to one’s or the company’s reputation. Yet, leaders can view the failure as a chance to highlight areas where they can improve business practices and systems.

Societal perspective

Society generally perceives failure in a negative light. Success is celebrated while failure is downplayed or hidden due to shame and embarrassment. We can’t botch things up. There is only one option: SUCCESS! Yet, that is an unrealistic expectation and, as we will see, can lead to developing, or enhancing, negative emotions.

However, if we redefine failure as part of our human experience we allow it to guide us and push us forward.  We have to bust the myths that surround the concept of failure.

Misconceptions about failure

We all have a personal understanding of what failure means and its characteristics. But, have you ever stopped to wonder if your view of failure is accurate or simply a baseless assumption that you embraced? Here are some myths about failure, see how many you identify with.

1. To fail means you’re weak

As we grow up we become conditioned to see failure as something that is to be avoided. It could be that we were ridiculed by our peers when we couldn’t perform at their level. Maybe you were castigated by your parents or other authority figures in your life when you were unable to achieve a result.

This can be taken as a narrative about our strengths. After all, you may have been told “If I can do it, why can’t you?”. The issue with this is that we aren’t all created equal. There are some areas that you have a natural talent in that I don’t. That doesn’t indicate a weakness or a personal flaw, it simply points to the fact that we are all different.

2. Failure is the antithesis of success

We have this idea that failure and success are opposite sides of the coin. To fail means that you haven’t succeeded. That causes us to feel frustrated, anxious, and even angry with ourselves. But what if you see failure as a part of success?

Thomas Edison, one of the most prolific inventors in history, famously stated, “I have not failed 10,000 times. I have succeeded in proving that those 10,000 ways will not work.” His relentless pursuit of creating a commercially viable light bulb involved countless experiments and failures. Instead of viewing these setbacks as defeats, Edison saw them as essential learning experiences that brought him closer to success

Become like Edison and see failure as a step closer to your goal.

3. You can avoid failure

This is a complete fiction. Failure cannot be sidestepped. You might create a contingency plan in case your original idea doesn’t work out. But, that is still acknowledging failure because an obstacle has cropped up that has pushed you from your initial course. There will always be some eventuality that will crop up that you never considered.

Trying to avoid failure is an exercise in futility and you’ll find yourself becoming emotionally exhausted in the process.

4. Failure is rare

If someone has told you they have never failed, then they are fooling themselves and you. Failure isn’t a rare thing. Every single one of us has failed and will fail again. It’s a part of our journey through life. Yet, how you view the failure determines whether it will make you or break you.

5. Successful people never fail

Talk to anyone who has succeeded in life and they will tell you the amount of times they have failed along the way. There is no such thing as overnight success. Anyone who has achieved greatness will be happy to recount the effort and the struggles they had to overcome to get where they are.

Oprah Winfrey’s rise to fame is an inspiring story of overcoming failure. Initially fired from her first television job, she faced numerous challenges before launching her successful talk show. Winfrey’s ability to learn from her setbacks and maintain her vision ultimately led her to become a media mogul and a beloved figure worldwide.

The emotional impact of failure

The reason we try to avoid failure is because it doesn’t make us feel great. Understanding the immediate and long-term emotional responses to failure can help individuals navigate these challenging experiences more effectively.

Immediate emotional responses

The two most common emotions experienced when you don’t succeed are disappointment and frustration. Disappointment occurs when a result isn’t met such as failing an exam, missing out on a promotion, or being excluded from a group. This emotion stems from the gap between what you were hoping for and what actually happened. It can lead to a sense of unmet desires and aspirations.

On the tail of disappointment comes frustration. An emotion that is characterized by feelings of annoyance or irritation. Frustration arises when you feel that you have put in the amount of effort and resources needed to achieve a goal only to find yourself falling short of the mark. It can lead to feelings of helplessness that may result in you deciding not to try again.

The long-term effect on mental health and self-esteem

The longer-term impact of facing repeated bouts of failure is increased experiences of anxiety and depression. Fear of failure could have you stressing and worrying about the future.  You take the past and use that as an indicator of the future, which seems bleak and hopeless. That can cause you to avoid making additional efforts which will only result in a stagnant life.

Failure can also influence your self-esteem as you question your abilities and self-worth. Through this, you may engage in persistent negative self-talk which only erodes your confidence.

Reframe the situation

It is possible to overcome the negativity that arises through failure. You need to see the setback as an opportunity to learn about yourself and use it for personal growth. By doing so, you become a stronger individual who is more resilient.

How to view failure as a stepping stone

You may think that failure is a step backward, however you need to see it as a step forward. Let me show you how you can relabel the situation as a positive rather than a negative.

1. Admit to the failure

By saying you have failed doesn’t mean that you are saying you are a failure. All you are doing is acknowledging the existence of the issue.

2. Examine the obstacle

Here you begin to dissect the failure and look at all of its components. Consider things such as:

  • was it caused by things beyond your control?
  • is it a reflection of your current skill level and abilities?
  • in hindsight, could you have seen this experience cropping up?
  • what factors contributed to the failure occurring?

Don’t rush through this process. Let it provide you with a deeper understanding of yourself and the circumstances that led to the outcome.

3. Understand and change

Now that you have an understanding of the failure, allow this to teach you. What changes do you need to make within yourself? How can you transform the external factors so that the situation doesn’t reoccur?  If the failure does happen again, how will you cope with it?

Let this process be one that allows you to grow and become more resilient.

It’s not a failure, it’s a learning opportunity

As human beings, we are all subjected to failure. Some of us see it as a reflection of our failings (which I have been guilty of), whereas others use it as a chance to learn and develop themselves. The difference lies in the way we view failure.

A failure is only a failure when you acknowledge it as such. I prefer to see it as a valuable lesson that allows me to become a stronger and more adaptable person.

Allow your setbacks to provide insight about yourself. Harness that understanding to fortify yourself against the storms of life.

– Brian Simms