Self-talk is the language we use to build or weaken our self-confidence. It’s the words we say to ourselves to encourage or criticize ourselves.

Your self-confidence influences how you speak to yourself. For a majority of my life, I reveled in self-deprecation due to the conditioning I experienced growing up. At school, I was constantly bullied and that affected my self-worth.

Whenever I tried to use affirmations, it felt like I was fooling myself because I wasn’t the person I was affirming myself to be. In the beginning stages of using positive self-talk, you do

have an overwhelming sense that you are lying to yourself. Why is that?

It’s because you consider the current view of yourself as the real “you”. After all, it’s the person you have identified with over many years. The affirmations and positive self-talk are initially at odds with your present self-view. Yet, with each statement you make regarding who you want to be, you are reprogramming your mind and transforming yourself. Eventually, that sense of fooling yourself diminishes and disappears.

Is negative self-talk helpful?

When seeking to build self-confidence the typical advice is to use self-talk imbued with positivity. There are mountains of research behind why this is beneficial, the main goal is to replace your negative self-image.

Positive self-talk not only influences confidence it also enhances problem-solving skills, boosts performance, and improves your overall mental and physical wellbeing.

Depending on how fragile your self-esteem is, one study suggests that negative self-talk also offers an advantage: it inspires you to make a stronger effort to achieve your goals.

You need to approach using negative self-talk with caution as it detrimentally affects your self-esteem and your self-image. It can lead to doubt, anxiety, and depression. The whole exercise with affirmations is to build yourself up rather than pull yourself further downward.

I have mentioned affirmations as one way to boost self-confidence. Examples of these are:

“I am confident and capable in everything I do.”

“I am worthy of success and happiness.”

“I embrace challenges as opportunities for growth.”

To make the affirmations more powerful in transforming your mindset, replace the pronoun “I” with “You”. Our current self-belief has been shaped by negative statements that have included “you” as the subject. For instance:

“You will never amount to anything.”

“You are wasting your time.”

“You don’t have the talent.”

“You always end up failing.”

So, “you” is a potent word in the creation (or destruction) of self-confidence.

Methods for enhancing self-talk

From journaling through to mindfulness, many techniques can aid you in becoming a more confident individual. Not all of the following may appeal to you, so choose the ones that resonate with you the most. You can mix and match the techniques to see if that enhances their effectiveness.

Journaling

This method always makes the list of techniques for self-improvement. That’s because it’s an effective way of releasing your emotions by dumping them onto a page.

Journaling also helps you identify repeated emotional habits and triggers. You gain insight into your internal dialogue and constant negative self-talk.

Therefore your journal is more than just a record of how you are feeling and what you are thinking. It’s a potent tool for objective self-analysis and introspection.

Here are some tips on how to successfully use your journal for improved self-confidence:

  • Write down negative thoughts when they occur.
  • Challenge the thoughts by asking yourself if they are based on facts or assumptions.
  • Reframe the negative thinking into a positive outlook. For example, if you are attempting something for the first time, change “I can’t do this” with “I’ll give it a try.”
Mindfulness practices

I’ll let you in on a little secret: I am addicted to mindfulness. It has been an amazing tool in my transformation from someone pessimistic and depressed into a person who no longer has worry or anxiety about the past or the future.

Mindfulness involves being present in the moment and observing your thoughts without judgment. By practicing mindfulness, you can become more aware of your self-talk patterns and learn to address negative thoughts effectively.

Mindfulness strategies for combating negative thinking are:

  • Practice deep breathing to calm and still your mind.
  • Allow your thoughts to just be without feeling you need to change them immediately. Buddhism teaches that, even though we may identify with our thoughts, they don’t define who we are.
  • Acknowledge your negative thinking with compassion and kindness then gently redirect your mind to more positive thoughts or affirmations.
Reframing

Cognitive bias causes us to ignore concepts and ideas that don’t conform to our version of the truth. We seek out information that supports our beliefs and values and that includes our self-view while discarding contrary evidence. When people would compliment me I would feel awkward because I considered that I wasn’t deserving of the praise because of my low self-esteem.

Going through Cognitive Behavioural Therapy equipped me with the means of seeing things (i.e. myself) from a different perspective. I learned how to challenge my limited and negative thoughts, a skill that is crucial for fostering self-confidence.

When you catch yourself thinking negatively, stop and question how valid the thoughts are. Is there any supporting evidence or do they stem from exaggerated emotions and a maladaptive conditioned self-view?

Here are some examples of reframing:

  • Instead of thinking, “I’m not good enough,” try, “I am constantly improving and growing.”
  • Replace “I always mess up” with “I learn from my mistakes and get better.”

When you start to reframe, your internal perspective shifts and you automatically see yourself and the world around you from a different angle. Everything starts to look brighter and you have a more optimistic outlook on life.

This change doesn’t happen instantaneously, it does take consistency. My journey started around 2014 and it’s still a work in progress (an enjoyable and enlightening experience).

Relish the small wins

When building confidence you will come across setbacks. That’s why it’s important to celebrate the small successes that you have while working on improving your self-confidence. By giving yourself a chance to have a wee festivity you maintain motivation and it pushes you on towards the next step on the path.

Consider keeping a success journal in which you write about the wins (both big and small) you have. Now and then you can give yourself a boost of encouragement by reading about your previous achievements.

Another way to celebrate your accomplishments is by treating yourself to something special when you reach a milestone.

Surround yourself with positivity

The people and environment around you affect your emotional state as well as your confidence levels. Building a positive support network can help reinforce positive self-talk and provide encouragement during challenging times.

Here is how to create an intimate group of positivity:

  • Seek out friends, family, coaches, and mentors who will uplift you and support you in your journey.
  • Limit or, if possible, eliminate negative people from your life. This is something I did for myself.
  • Join a community or support group (in person is ideal, but if that isn’t possible, then social media is an option) that shares your same interests and values. This gives you a sense of belonging and encouragement.

It’s okay to talk to yourself

Perhaps you know a person or two who mutter to themselves and you give them a sideways glance. Yet, maybe they are having a personal pep talk with affirmations or positive comments.

Self-talk is an integral component in the development of our self-view and confidence. Take a minute now to sit down and contemplate how your current sense of identity has been framed by what you have told yourself and how much you believe that narrative.

To boost self-confidence you need to start giving yourself pep talks. Become your own cheerleader and support team. Gather around you people who will be the wind beneath your wings.

Change your words and you will change your world.

 

– Brian Simms