Have you ever stopped to contemplate who you are? Where does that sense of identity come from? How do you determine what defines “you” and what isn’t “you”?

Empiricists and psychologists claim that when we are born, we are “tabula rasa” (blank slates). Then, through experience and learning, we develop a sense of self. An ego starts to form. This ego has its basis in our belief system.

It is from our beliefs that we build our “identity.”

The Construction of “You”

As we grow up, our personality is formed by the inputs we receive from our environment. Each data you receive fits into place like a puzzle, constructing how you see and define yourself.

The data consists of your parents’ beliefs, values, and morals (and other key authority figures within your childhood), your culture, and the wider society. Therefore, your personality is formed by the influences of micro and macro factors.

Yet, if there is a flaw in any of the inputs you receive, it will adversely affect how you see yourself. For example, if you have stern parents who always make you feel useless, then you may suffer from self-esteem issues. Also, you may view pseudo-parental figures as threatening and callous.

I was bullied a lot both at school by my peers and at home by my siblings, which caused me to see people as a threat. I withdrew and enjoyed being a loner. It also harmed my self-esteem and confidence. In my early twenties, I had the opportunity to see a psychologist.

The session with him was a turning point for me. It allowed me to do introspection and mentally dissect myself. It was as though someone had flicked on a light and I began to sift through years of baggage and beliefs that I stored. This allowed me to transform and realize that I am not the person I believed I was.

Your worldview is also a construct of your belief system. If you struggled for recognition and acceptance as a child, then this world can be filtered by your belief system into a view that everyone is hostile towards you. That the world is a menacing place.

On the other hand, imagine those raised in a home with love and warmth, where the child was given attention and encouragement. Such a person has an entirely different sense of the world. It’s a world full of acceptance and hope.

Think about that for a minute: the world is the world, yet it is perceived and experienced differently according to your beliefs.

Let’s turn the focus inward and consider your personality. As mentioned, it is a conglomeration of inputs you have received throughout your life. Those healthy or otherwise inputs impact how you define and see yourself.

It is a BELIEF! A belief that what you think about yourself is true. When some contradictory piece of evidence comes up that challenges your belief, how do you react?

Our ego is our sense of self and the construction of our belief system. When the ego is threatened, defense mechanisms kick in to keep the ego intact. Your sense of “I” has just been hurt, and you need to recover.

Therefore, you react in anger and sadness, insults are thrown at those who have accused you, or you may withdraw from the threatening situation physically or emotionally.

But what if the thing that hurt you, that perceived attack (for that’s how your belief system has filtered it) on your personality, was actually to help you improve? To aid you in taking a healthier look at yourself?

As they say, “The truth can hurt.” How willing are you to lay down your defenses and become more vulnerable?

Your personality isn’t fixed.

Your sense of identity may be a fixed entity. You may say, “This is who I am, and I won’t change.” That inflexibility is rooted in the fact that you are comfortable with who you are. We don’t like to get out of our comfort zones.

Yet, do a wee bit of introspection, and you’ll soon shine the light on aspects of yourself that you would love to change.

Each challenge to our ego doesn’t go unchecked. We allow our belief system to filter it and see if it aligns with our self-image. Cognitive bias kicks in and causes us to accept or reject the new input we are confronted with.

If one is willing to adjust one’s belief system, one’s self-view is also amended. It can be a painful process because the ego is fighting against the adjustment. Yet, you will realize healing is on the other side of the pain.

Becoming “whole”

Notice the word “becoming.” It implies an ongoing process.

We all share something in common: our humanity.

Family values, traditions, customs, and society have shaped and sifted our identities. From that, we get a sense of separation, a self-hood distinct from those around us. This is formed

through identification as belonging to a particular nationality, adhering to a religious or spiritual belief, our sexual orientation, our social class, and our morals and values.

When we take a distinctive stance that considers our belief system superior to another, conflict arises towards those we believe are a threat.

Allow yourself to have your belief system challenged. Of course, it’s uncomfortable, and your egoic defenses will emerge. Yet, if you are willing to bear with the threat and allow it to reshape you, then you will be all the better for it.

Look deep within you at a profound, soulish level, and you will uncover a truth: there is someone you long to be. An idealized version of yourself. That is what this world is longing for, what this world needs.

That yearning motivates us to erase national, cultural, social, and personal differences. It is the factor that binds us all together through our shared humanity.

Steps towards wholeness

Several ways can help evolve and strip back your belief systems so that you uncover your authentic self.

Self Reflection

Take time to do introspection. Shine the light on your thoughts, feelings, and emotions. What has contributed to the formation of your beliefs? Are they accurate? How willing are you to challenge and change them? Do your beliefs align with your values and aspirations?

Look at alternative views

Expose yourself to diverse viewpoints, cultures, and ideologies. Engage in conversations with people who hold different beliefs than you do. This can broaden your understanding and help you see the world differently.

When I was eighteen I joined a church. It was the first time I belonged to a religion and I was indoctrinated with their beliefs. One day, I was doing a random search on the internet and I came across an article that challenged every single Christian that had been instilled in me from the sect I was a member of.

It was an eye-opening situation and I spoke to my pastor about what I had discovered. The response I received from the pastor was that I wasn’t to look at “junk” like that ever again. My response was that I had an obligation to discover the truth for myself. It was from that time that I studied and practiced critical thinking. Eventually, I left that church and continued with my search for the truth.

Looking at different views can be scary. After I departed from the church it felt as though the carpet had been ripped out violently from under my feet. My emotions were all over the place, yet I knew that I was heading in the right direction. A path of ultimate self-discovery that continues thirty-plus years later.

Try new experiences

Travel to unfamiliar places, pursue hobbies you’ve always been curious about or take classes on topics that intrigue you. These experiences can help you discover hidden aspects of yourself and expand your worldview.

Pay attention to your intuition

Pay attention to your gut instincts and inner wisdom. Your intuition can guide you toward what feels authentic to you. Trust yourself to make decisions that resonate with your deepest self.

Meditation is a tool that I use to become attuned to my intuition. As you sit in silence and focus inward you will connect with that spark deep within that is your authentic self.

Be vulnerable

Our ego loves to put up walls when it is threatened. Those walls prevent us from truly looking within to analyze the trigger points. To grow, we need to take the walls down. Be open to vulnerability and embrace the discomfort that comes with growth. Allow yourself to admit when you're wrong, acknowledge your flaws, and learn from your mistakes. Vulnerability fosters authenticity and emotional resilience.

Personal change and growth is a lifelong process. Treating yourself with compassion and kindness, especially when raw and painful emotions surface. Be patient with yourself as you navigate through challenges and setbacks. Are you willing to allow your belief system and identity to evolve and embrace the fullness of who you are?

– Brian Simms