Imagine walking into a room full of strangers, but within moments, you find yourself deep in conversation with someone. For me, that was nearly impossible because I lacked social confidence and would sit down in a corner by myself and watch.

Some people have the knack to talk to you as though they have known you for years. That is the skill of rapport. Knowing how to develop this ability is essential for creating lasting relationships in both professional and personal settings.

I learned to establish it in my life and,  if I can do it, so can you! In this post, I will explain rapport and the steps you can take to build it instantly without coming across as fake.

What is rapport?

Rapport is an emotional connection between two people. Have you ever had a situation when you and someone you met just seemed to “click”? That’s rapport…both individuals feel understood, valued, and respected.

Research suggests that rapport consists of several factors working in harmony:

  • Mutual attentiveness: The conversation isn’t dominated by one individual. Each person has an equal share.
  • Positivity: The interaction is pleasant and harmonious.
  • Co-ordination: There is a mirroring of non-verbal cues and the conversation flows easily and naturally.

When these three aspects operate in tandem, it builds a deep connection between people.

Why building rapport is important

Okay, so you know what rapport is but then you shrug your shoulders and say “So what’s the big deal with building it?”

Whether you are networking, sitting in a job interview, or just want to make new friends, building rapport can make or break the interaction. How do you feel when someone you are talking to shows that they aren’t listening or interested in you? It sucks, doesn’t it?

Don’t be that type of person!

Here are three reasons why rapport is crucial:

  1. It builds trust: Trust is a key component in fostering deep and meaningful relationships. It lays the groundwork from which rapport can grow.
  2. Communication skills are enhanced: Through rapport, conversations become richer and more productive. You’re able to navigate difficult discussions, sell your ideas more effectively, or simply enjoy the company of others.
  3. Increases your influence: This doesn’t mean that you subtly manipulate others for your own benefit. It’s a mutual respect that allows you to close a sale, or have people follow your lead. Yep, rapport can become powerful mojo.

With an understanding of why rapport is necessary, let’s dive into how you can quickly and effectively build it.

6 steps for building rapport fast

When establishing interpersonal connections, time is of the essence. As they say “First impressions last”.

In this section, we will explore 6 actionable steps that will help you build rapport in any situation. These will enable you to create lasting, positive relationships in no time.

1. The 7-second rule

When it comes to how quickly it takes to make a first impression the consensus is that, on average, you have 7-seconds to win over the other person. Some studies suggest that this window of opportunity is shortened to between 1/10 and just under 4/10 of a second.

That’s a pretty short time in which you get to create rapport. So how can you get those first 7-seconds to work in your favor?

  • Start with non-verbal cues: A warm smile, strong (but not crushing) handshake, and maintaining eye contact can communicate warmth and confidence before you even speak.
  • Use a personalized greeting: Instead of using a generic “Hi, how are you?” try something more striking such as “Hi, my name’s (insert your name here). Nice to meet you.” If you have some prior knowledge about the person you can spice things up even more with “It’s great to finally meet you. I’ve heard so many great things about you.”

These two tricks alone are a potent combination for making the other person feel seen and special, which are key aspects of building rapport.

2. Mirror body language and tone

Next time you see two people having a deep conversation, watch how they mirror each other’s gestures and posture. Mirroring is a subtle way to build rapport because it enhances feelings of empathy and interpersonal connectivity. It’s a trick I used a lot when I was in sales.

Effective use of this technique is to copy the body language of the person you are talking to. If they are leaning forward, mimic the body language. On the other hand, they may be more reserved, in which case respect their boundary and match their energy level.

Mirroring also extends to the tone and energy of the speech. Maybe the individual you are having a conversation with is talking enthusiastically. If so, match their excitement. Conversely, slow things down if the interaction is more calm and thoughtful.

The psychological magic behind this technique lies in the way that it signals to the other person you are on the same wavelength. That nurtures social connection.

3. Listen more, speak less

How annoying it is to be around someone who just doesn’t stop talking. That’s an instant switch-off for establishing rapport. As the cliche goes “We have two ears and one mouth. So listen twice as much as you speak.”

Being an attentive listener lets the speaker know that you are interested in what they are saying. That you are interested in them.

If you find listening difficult here are some tips to help you.

Focus on what the person is saying

Pay attention to what the other person is telling you and don’t get caught up focusing on what you will say next (which is something I have been guilty of).

When our mind is fixated on what we want to tell the other person we are taken out of the present moment and miss vital information that is being shared with us.

Instead, listen deeply and carefully, then you can respond thoughtfully.

Ask follow-up questions

Show that you are genuinely interested in the other person by asking questions that dive deeper than shallow-level conversation. For example, when someone has told you about what they do for a living you could ask “What do you enjoy most about your job?”

Next time you experience someone truly listening to you at a deep level, stop and pay attention to how you feel about yourself and the other person. That’s rapport-building stuff!

4. Discover commonalities

A quick way to establish rapport is by identifying shared experiences and interests. People are naturally drawn to those they perceive as similar to them. Like attracts like.

To find areas of commonality ask open-ended questions such as “What’s your favorite place you have traveled to and why?” You have to be careful with this as you don’t want to turn the conversation into an interrogation session. Be subtle and genuine with your intentions.

If you find it hard to find a surface interest you might need to dig a little deeper. You may have been to the same school, grew up in the same neighborhood, or perhaps you both have similar professional challenges that you share.

Don’t ignore the small stuff as these can be stepping stones for setting up rapport.

5. Use empathy and emotional intelligence

Empathy allows you to see things from the other person’s perspective. Therefore it’s a great trait to have for rapport. It fosters trust and mutual understanding.

When someone understands how you feel and where you are coming from you sense a profound connection. The type of connection that says “This person gets me.”

Rapport can be strengthened when someone shares something personal or emotional with you. Respond with something like “That must have been tough” or “I understand why you would feel that way.”

Ask a person how they’re doing, but be sincere. Don’t treat it like a standard cookie-cutter response. People can pick up on fake!

When someone appreciates that you truly care about their feelings, strong relational bonds are developed.

6. Be authentic

No matter how closely you follow the previous techniques I have listed, they all fall flat if you’re not authentic.

So, what does it mean to be authentic? In a nutshell, just be yourself. Don’t pretend to be someone you’re not! Trying to put on a facade always backfires. Share your own experiences and opinions openly but not arrogantly.

Another step towards authenticity is to admit when you make a mistake. It indicates that you’re human and humble. Those are a couple of factors that win people over.

By being authentic you create an atmosphere of trust and openness, which are essential elements for creating lasting relationships.

Get your rapport going

Now that you have the tools for making an awesome first impression, the next step is to go and make it happen. Whether it’s a business meeting, social event, or simply chatting with a new acquaintance, practice building rapport. Then watch your conversation and relationships transform.

You may find it takes time for you to find your groove, but stick with it. It took me a while to fine-tune my skills.

I’m cheering for you all!

 

 – Brian Simms