There are times in our lives when a crisis arises. It could be the passing away of a loved one, being made redundant from your job, a shocking health diagnosis, or some other major problem that knocks you off your rails.

When you face these situations, it’s only natural that you feel shaken and upset. However, emotional resilience can strengthen your ability to get through life’s catastrophes. It empowers you to adapt to and emerge from the situation with a sense of growth. Does that make you less of a person? No! It simply gives you the ability to get through a dark patch in your life and come out the other side with minimal emotional damage.

I have been through the loss of a couple of loved ones, threatened job losses, the verge of financial ruin, and major depression. Some of these were hard to bear, but I needed to push through and push on. My resilience was developed through these difficult times. It’s possible to build up your fortitude against the darker side of life. Read on to find out how.

1. Understanding emotional resilience

The first step in strengthening emotional resilience is gaining insight into what it is and isn’t. Let’s start by telling you what it isn’t…

It’s not burying your head in the sand and wishing the problem would go away. Nor is it ignoring your emotions.

Emotional resilience is the ability to confront your feelings, acknowledge them as well as the situation you are facing, and then endure through it all. Research shows that resilient individuals tap into their positive emotions as a means of strength during stressful times.

2. Acknowledge your emotions

Accept the way that you are feeling without an expectation that you need to change your emotions. Acknowledge these without judgment. Trying to avoid or suppress your emotions only leads to more stress.

By allowing your feelings to flow freely you can understand them better and prevent them from building up to a point of critical mass. Here is something you can try:

The next time you sense yourself being overwhelmed, write down your unfiltered thoughts and feelings. Then reflect on how you felt before and after you have done this exercise. You will find that your stress level has dropped and you may have greater clarity about the situation that set you off.

3. Develop a positive mindset

This was a hard one for me because my mind was crammed full of negativity. Yet, as I mentioned before, positivity gives you the ability to be stronger when faced with a crisis. It allows you to reframe the problem more constructively.

One way to increase positivity in your life is through affirmations. Make these relatable to the situation you are facing. Word them so that they fill you with encouragement and strength. For example:

“I am more than capable of weathering this storm.”

“I have the mental and emotional strength to push on through.”

Use words and phrases that resonate with you.

4. Look at your support systems

A problem shared is a problem halved. Amid a crisis, it can be hard to think straight while your mind is constantly trying to figure things out. That’s when you need to tap into your support system. It will provide you with emotional comfort, validation, and encouragement.

Stay in regular contact with your friends and family to strengthen your support system. This will provide the foundations you need to lean on during a difficult situation.

Don’t shy away from professional help if necessary. It’s something I utilized when going through profound depression. I’m thankful for the opportunity as it got me through the darkness and empowered me to transform into the person I am today (that is, someone who is a lot more optimistic and doesn’t worry as much).

5. Practice self-care

When in a personal crisis, putting yourself first can be hard. It may even feel like you’re being selfish. However, nothing can be further from the truth.

Through self-care, you are preventing burnout and keeping your stress at a manageable level. Looking after yourself can take a variety of forms:

  • eating a balanced diet
  • maintaining hydration levels
  • exercising
  • sleeping well (which can be difficult when you are going through a rough patch in life, but you do need to rest).
  • taking time out to stop and recharge yourself (this could be a walk in nature, a meditation session, or simply sitting in front of the TV for a binge-watch)
  • having a hot relaxing bath with soft music playing (you can include aromatherapy as part of this if you desire)
  • hanging out with friends

I have incorporated mindfulness as an indispensable part of my daily self-care. It has helped me immensely with stress relief and emotional regulation. That doesn’t make me immune from the lemons that life likes to serve up. It has enabled me to endure those times and understand that they are just as impermanent as the great times are.

6. Develop problem-solving skills

Effective problem-solving skills can help you respond to calamities proactively rather than reactively. This helps reduce feelings of helplessness and increases your self-confidence. Research shows that individuals with strong problem-solving abilities can adapt to situations more easily and are more able to cope with life’s challenges.

It is possible to increase this skill in your life. A simple framework for doing so is:

  • Break down the issue into smaller components. Look at these objectively rather than subjectively.
  • Make a list of possible solutions. Don’t hold back on this process. Brainstorm ideas and write them all down. Taking several minutes of quiet contemplation with your eyes closed and deep breathing can help clear your mind.
  • If you are struggling to reach a final decision, create a pros and cons list. After that, you can consider all aspects of a decision and then settle on it or move on to another option. Don’t rush into an ultimate choice. Sleep on it or, if you have time, give it a couple of days then revisit the decision. If you still feel it’s the right one, then go with it.

Try the above process when you face a challenge and see how it improves your sense of self-control. Life does serve us curve balls at times, but you can step back, take stock of the situation, and then choose your plan for overcoming the issue.

7. Learn from past experiences

Taking time to reflect on how you dealt with and overcame previous challenges helps you identify your strengths and which coping strategies have served you well. Obviously, there may be unique trials that you haven’t gone through previously, such as the first time someone you love passes away. Perhaps, you have never been laid off from work before and now the axe of redundancy is swinging over you.

For an issue that is similar to one you have gone through previously, looking back at your historical methods of coping can infuse you with the hope that you can get through it. Some people keep a “resilience journal” in which they record the challenges they have faced, how they endured them, and what tactics helped them. Of course, what worked in the past may not necessarily be what is required in a current or future challenge. Yet, you may be able to adapt a successful plan that helped you previously. Individuals who engage in retrospective analysis of past experiences build stronger self-efficacy.

Being strong in tough times

Cultivating emotional resilience doesn’t imply ignoring the difficulties that you will face in life – it’s about learning how to get through these trying periods with strength, adaptability, and self-awareness. The techniques I have given you in this article are the stones that build the foundation for your emotional endurance.

Like any skill, it does take practice. Heck, it took me years of constant work to get where I am with resilience. Please don’t take that as a discouragement, but as a statement that this isn’t an overnight process. We know that the best things in life take time, but persistence pays rich dividends. Over time you will notice that you have a greater capacity to weather life’s storms.

In times of crisis, resilience becomes an anchor that keeps you still, when the waves are crashing around you. I know this to be true from personal experience. It’s an amazing ability to have and I wish you all the best in your journey.

– Brian Simms