Our emotions allow us to navigate our way through life. They are our response to a situation either real or perceived.  Yet, what if we have interpreted the feeling incorrectly? What if our emotional reaction to a situation was simply a conditioned response caused by instilled social and cultural beliefs?

Through drilling down into our emotions, their causes, and sources, we can discern if they are accurate measures of the situation or something that has been ingrained into us by others.

When you dissect your emotions, you gain insight into who you are and whether that aligns with who you want to become.

Seeing emotions as data

Data is information that we objectively use to make decisions to reach a result.

When analyzing data we start with a macro view. What is the bigger picture? For businesses, the data can tell them if they are on target for achieving their profit goal. Sports coaches use the information to look at the overall performance of their team.

Once you get a birds-eye view of the situation, you begin to look deeper at the data. Again, using the business analogy: Do sales need to be increased? Costs reduced? Do we need to change the advertising?

The sports coach can consider the individual performance of each player. Also, the gameplay of the opposition might be minutely looked at. What needs to be tweaked so that the next game is better than the previous one?

We need to use the same methodological attitude when looking at our emotions.

Approaching emotions analytically

If we consider emotions as data, information that we can analyze and compare with an overall result, that requires an objective and rational approach.

We start by considering the global context. What set off the emotion and why? Then we delve deeper into the situation and the emotion. This needs to be done for both positive and negative emotions. You need to approach this activity with indifference towards the feeling.

Tracing the roots

Cultivating plants requires more than taking care of the part that is above the ground. You need to also give the same level of attention to the roots. It’s the same when removing weeds. Just plucking off the top part doesn’t mean the weed isn’t going to come back. You have to dig down and take away the roots.

With emotions, there are those that we want to cultivate and grow, others that we may want to reign in, and still others we want to completely uproot. That requires awareness and determination. After all, your emotions have been planted in the soil of your mind and watered for years.

So how do you get down to the roots of your emotions? Through self-reflection. Drilling down from the surface to discover what are the components that came together to allow the emotion to initially establish itself and grow.

Here are several techniques designed to assist you in discovering the foundation of your emotions.

Journaling

This is one of the more popular methods for getting to know your emotions and their triggers. When journaling, don’t filter anything. Allow yourself to write until you feel that you’re finished. Let the words pour out of you without thinking (this gives your subconscious mind the driver’s seat).

Once you have completed your entry, go back over it. It doesn’t have to be the same day. Maybe set the journal aside for 24 hours and then look back over what you have written.

What stands out for you and why? Can you identify any triggers? Do the emotions stir up memories/experiences from the past? If so, what are they and what is the context of that historical memory?

Don’t focus solely on negative emotions, look at the positive emotions, too. Then you are approaching this exercise from a holistic perspective.

Body scan

You’re at work and think about the presentation you are going to give tomorrow.

Suddenly your heart begins to pound, sweat forms on your forehead and you feel your hands shaking. Oh, then there is a tightness in your stomach.

All those physical sensations originated from a single source: Your thinking which set off an emotion. In this case, anxiety.

Pay attention to the signals that your body is giving. They are indicators that allow you to fathom the factors feeding your current emotional state. It also allows you to gain an understanding as to whether your physical reaction is appropriate or stems from unhealthy conditioned learning.

Emotion tracking

With this practice, you choose one emotion to focus on throughout the day. Consider the contextual process of the emotion. What set it off? What other emotions, if any, did it stir up? How did you cope with the situation and the feelings? Was your response an appropriate one or not?  How often throughout the day did you experience the emotion?

Comparative reflection

In this technique, you look at the situation that led to the emotion and compare it to previous events that brought up the same (or similar) emotions. Look for patterns that can help you identify the emotion’s underlying cause(s).

Therapy/Counselling

Seeking the guidance of a mental health professional can help you uncover the seeds of your emotions especially if the feelings stem from a past trauma or are the result of a complex personality issue.

Though the above methods are diverse in their approach, they do share a common factor: aiding you in perceiving your emotions and their causes. Be unapologetically logical and systematic in your analysis. This will give you the ability to study your emotions with greater clarity and perception.

Interpreting the emotional data

The techniques I mentioned are fact-gathering tools. They give you the means of recording the data about your emotions and how they are generated. Deciphering the information is an ongoing process. Each fresh experience of an emotion can potentially add more relevant data to your list.

What you want to be looking for are:

  • Any themes/patterns that regularly come up
  • The current coping mechanisms you use.
  • How the emotions define you. Do you think you are that person?
  • Emotional states that you want to experience more of and those you want to reduce.
  • Are the trigger points the same? Do these triggers set off identical emotions each time, or are there shades of the emotion (e.g. anger, frustration, irritability)?
  • What are the root causes of the emotion? Are you consciously aware of these or not?
  • Do you get glimpses of any subconscious elements of the emotion?
False positives and false negatives

Just like any system, there are times when you may register an emotional false positive or false negative. Recognizing these provides great self-insight from which you can discover the veracity of the emotion and its contextual situation.

Overexpressing gratitude is one example of a false positive. You may be thankful for the situation, but going overboard with your thanks can indicate a self-esteem issue. Another instance could be when you exude an abundance of optimism and want those around you to share in the emotion. That can be a sign of deep-seated insecurity.

A lack of remorse can be considered a false negative. The lack of an emotional response after a person has done something wrong or caused harm can indicate an emotional issue that needs addressing.

Being unable to feel positive emotions like joy or excitement in situations that typically elicit these responses, can be a symptom of depression or other mental health issues.

Identifying false positives and false negatives requires self-honesty. Is the emotional response to the situation suitable or not? If the answer is “No”, then deep introspection, without self-condemnation, is needed.

Redefining yourself

The ability to rationally and objectively dissect your current emotions and their causes allows you to ask yourself a searching question:

Is this who I truly am or want to be?

I asked myself the above question when I was in the midst of severe depression. Every day was filled with emotional darkness and it felt like there was no way out. Yet, I decided, the depressed individual I was was someone I didn’t want to be.

Counseling helped me gain a strong foothold in dealing with my emotions. I developed profound insights about myself. Then I could sift through my emotions and their accuracy about who I was. With that, I could make steps towards becoming someone different. I pushed through the darkness and into the sunshine.

It takes time and being open-minded towards yourself and others. You need to reframe situations and ask “Is it me or the other person, or both of us, contributing to my current emotional state?”

Emotions are an integral part of our human experience. However, you aren’t a slave to your emotions.

You can change, refine, and rework them so that they reflect the person you want to become. It does take work and there will be setbacks. That’s part of the journey.

Yet, it’s exciting and empowering you know that you have to ability to mold your emotions and yourself into the individual you have longed to be.

 

– Brian Simms