Empathy was a trait that I lacked as a teenager and somewhat into my early twenties. That was due to being constantly picked on at school by my peers and then also at home by my siblings. Not only did I have low self-esteem, I also considered people to be threats and I avoided them.

Things changed when I became a Christian. I got an insight into love and how it can extend to others. Unfortunately, this is no criticism of Christianity as a whole, the church I belonged to didn’t have much love for some members of the congregation. For me, there was a huge void as far as empathy goes. A couple of people in the church were treated as a laughingstock which disturbed me. Eventually, I left and joined another church where everyone accepted each other—no judgment or condemnation of others within the congregation.

For me, the latter church was an example of empathy. The communion was rich and full of understanding. Even though I’m not a Christian now, the time I had experiencing a diverse range of churches taught me a lot about compassion and seeing things from another’s point of view. A skill that has extended into all aspects of my life.

Empathy doesn’t depend on religion or on how spiritual you are, it is a personal quality that we all have the power to cultivate. As you just read, it is an ability that I nurtured and grew. If I can do it so can you. In this article, I will give you a variety of ways that will help you increase empathy in your life.

How does empathy influence personal relationships?

Empathy bridges an emotional gap that allows you to truly understand what another person is going through. The word “empathy” originates from the Greek compound word empathiea (em “in” + pathos “feeling”). It literally means getting into the feeling that the other individual is experiencing. You put yourself in their place and sense their emotions.

This ability to “walk in the shoes” of another person creates an interpersonal bond. Profound compassion and caring surface as you seek to help others get through the emotional turmoil.

Empathy strengthens interpersonal relationships by:

  • fostering understanding and emotional validation.
  • communication is enhanced by really listening and responding authentically to what you are being told.
  • disagreements and interpersonal conflicts are softened because you can react with compassion and emotional insight.
  • trust is developed as you have shown that you can be relied on for emotional support.
  • those around you feel comfortable in sharing their innermost thoughts and feelings without fear of being judged.

When I became more empathetic, the interpersonal relationships around me transformed into warm, strong, mutual loving bonds that I still cherish today.  If you are struggling to build a higher degree of empathy in your life, let me take you through some methods that can help.

One thing you need to know is that it can take time to grow in empathy. Be patient with yourself.  The first person who deserves profound empathy is yourself. Once you treat yourself with non-conditional love and compassion you will discover that it naturally extends out to those around you. With that in mind, let’s look at how you can use empathy to strengthen interpersonal relationships.

Practice active listening

Have you ever focused so much on how you were going to respond to what you were hearing that you didn’t actually listen to what was being said? I’ve done it plenty of times and it’s not conducive to relationship building.

Active listening requires you to stop paying attention to what you want to say and respect what the other person is saying. You focus on each word and the emotion behind them.

Here are guidelines on how you can develop this ability:

  • Maintain eye contact with the person you are listening to. Nod your head and exhibit other body language to show that you are engaged with what they are telling you.
  • Reflect and paraphrase what the speaker says to ensure understanding.
  • Don’t interrupt or plan your response while the other person is talking.

When you practice active listening it enhances interpersonal relationships by making people feel heard and valued. It also reduces the possibility of misunderstandings.

Validate emotions

Emotions are part of what makes us human. Yet, when we sense that our emotions have been diminished or ignored it can build resentment, anger, and even hatred in us. Validating emotions requires you to acknowledge and accept the other person’s feelings without judgment. You can use phrases such as:

“I can understand why you would feel that way”

“That must have been hard for you.”

There may be a desire for you to reach out and help fix the emotion the other person is experiencing, but resist the urge. Allow yourself to just be there. That’s enough. A comforting presence (as you will learn below) can do wonders in alleviating negative feelings.

Allowing people to freely express their emotions without fear of being dismissed builds trust and creates a safe, healthy environment for open and candid emotional expression.

Practice perspective taking

Perspective-taking occurs when you step in someone else’s shoes so that you can understand their experience. If you find this skill hard to develop, here are some tips to help you:

  • Ask questions to clarify the other person’s point of view.
  • Imagine how you would feel if you were in the same situation.
  • Acknowledge differences of opinion and perspective without discrediting the opposite individual’s feelings.

Being able to see things from another perspective encourages empathy by encouraging open-mindedness and emotional understanding. This helps immensely in reducing conflicts.

Express empathy non-verbally

A hug or a comforting touch can do more than words ever could. Warm embraces release oxytocin, the love hormone that strengthens interpersonal bonds.  However, non-verbal empathic support extends beyond physical touch. Simply being present when someone requires support is a powerful way to create powerful relational connections.

Be present and patient

Have you ever tried to have an emotional talk with someone who is more interested in their mobile phone than you? I was the type of person more engaged with their phone and social media than I was with the person in front of me. I have learned the value of being present with no distractions. My phone is always switched to silent mode and it stays in my pocket when I’m in conversation with others.

Minimize any digital intrusions when you are spending time with another person. If you need to have your phone because you are expecting an urgent call or message, tell the other individual.

Multitasking can also detract from you being fully present with those around you. Your mind and attention are stretched in several directions, so it’s hard for you to focus. That can affect relationships when people want or need your undivided attention.

Patience is a virtue and another thing that I had to work on instilling in my life. Too often I would finish other people’s sentences because I didn’t have the patience to wait for them to finish talking.

Mindfulness was a key in helping me with my patience, It had taught me to simply be present and calm. I no longer volunteer to complete the dialogue of others. I allow them time to finish what they are saying, even if it takes a while.

You need to understand that the person may be finding it difficult to speak, or contemplating carefully what they want to say. Perhaps they have had a mind blank, as we all do. Be patient and understanding. That’s empathy at work right there,

Being present with others and exhibiting patience towards them shows that they are a priority to you, which enhances emotional bonds.

Small steps

By integrating into your daily life the methods I covered in this post, you will find your relationships become stronger, closer, and tighter. Don’t think you need to take an all-or-nothing approach regarding the techniques I have introduced.

Take one or two and practice them until they become a permanent fixture in your life. Then add a couple more.

The amazing thing about empathy is that it is reciprocal. Once you start being more empathic people will respond in kind. It’s emotional magic that works wonders in relationship building.

Start your transformation today.

 

 – Brian Simms